I have friends and we dance in mirrors with only our underwear on -- after showers with actual hot water. I could sing Lady Gaga out loud to my mom in the middle of the street, as she walks away to avoid embarrassment. I could kiss my boyfriend. Anywhere. And hold his hand. I could litter and not get stoned, but not really because I do not litter (btw littering is inhumane and not the answer - I hope you're convicted if you litter).
And so I'm thinking about these ideas this morning, and the most uncomfortable chain of events occur: I walk into work this morning with a french vanilla medium iced coffee from Chock Full-of-Nuts, and watched it spill from my desk to the floor as I reached over for a folder. A whoosh sound occurred and I was embarrassed because I knew that everyone heard the coffee drop because it was inundated with ice but it's okay, I don't need help; please, people, don't rush too much to help me. I then had to run to the kitchen area for napkins to clean the coffee up so I could wipe down with Clorox wipes to scare away stickiness. Then I cleaned the coffee that sprinkled on my legs. That's when I noticed the eight mosquito bites I have on my left leg that make me look like a heroine addict. It was 11:25am, and I was still without make-up.
This is a caffeinated skank's crazy morning.
But I read a blurb about how the government in Saudi Arabia is shutting down unlicensed gyms for women. First of all, gyms are gender-segregated in Saudi Arabia. Male gyms are licensed by the government, and female gyms aren't. That's the reason the government could do such a disfortune to it's women.
Now, let's analyze this.
1 - Saudi Arabian women who are educated are the ones pushing for the country's female fitness. Makes sense. The search for knowledge brings a discontent with the status quo, and change begins to itch like a bad wedgie. Knowledge brings Discontent. Perhaps this is why a country like America is made up of the most unhappy people. We're so much more free to do as we please, than women in other countries, but depression rates nationally are astronomically. My coffee spilled this morning, and I lacked caffeine until lunchtime. But I could drive, and I could show off my curly hair, and I could jaywalk.
Unhappy American women, why are you so downcast?
2 - Seriously, if gyms were banned for females in America, I wouldn't feel so bad about my giggles. (this spelling is intentional, as you saw in my last post. ;) ).
Why is it that women so thin fight for gyms that fat people like us take for granted?
Something is clearly wrong with this picture:
<------- Ladies, really? You need a polka dot bikini!
4 - A guest on Chelsea Lately tonight spoke out on the topic of Stephanie Pratt, Spencer Pratt's sister (from the Hills), coming out the fridge talking about how she's bulimic: "You know those Hollywood girls. You have to tie them together to have sex with them."
Sometimes being a little chunky is crucial to, you know. But at the end of the day, we want to see your boyfriend walking down the street next to you. Not having to walk behind you because you take up the whole block.
In conclusion, I don't want to take advantage of gyms that I take for granted. I don't want to complain about having to work-out when truth is people complain about not being able to work out. And I never, ever want to be so fat, you can't see my bathing suit bottom (check numbers 1 and 3 in picture).
Until next time, hit the gym for all the women who can't! And Saudi Arabia, hang in there!